1958年3月12日, 我的母亲降临至中国湖南. 2008年3月12日，50年后的今天，在美国维州母亲跨过了半百的门槛。身在米西根的我，仍然只是学校里的一个学生，仍然不能完全自立，为她减轻负担。妈，对不起，请再给我几年时间，当我羽翼丰满时，我会带着您飞离残酷的现境，让您不再替我操心，不再过这种拘禁的生活。

生日快乐，

夏阳

上周fever+flu后遗到现在也没有好，算下来也算是两周没有在6点以前睡觉了（这个当然是am），不过嗓子不痛了，就是气短而已。上周发着高烧+喉咙痛愣是去上了一天课还作了一个presentation，走回来的路上感觉真的要昏死了，学生真够难当的。

前两天把cctv1的春晚看了一遍，熬夜看，熬完了直到自己撑不下去再去睡，要不然会想家。出国八年了，还真没有一个地方有家的感觉，按理说从小就被送去住宿早就把该有的恋家情结杀的一点不剩了，谁知道居然杀的不够彻底。X的。

这个学期过得特别特别慢阿，课也不多，可是却也没有去学什么。舞这两周也没怎么跳，病的七荤八素，就不要传染给我可爱的舞伴好了。又有一种以前颓废的感觉，这个感觉不很好。

今天是中国年，小生这儿有理了。。。祝大家鼠年数钱数不完阿！

回国机票是7/2-8/8， 奥运会开幕时，也是我离开之日，呵，算了，志愿者也没啥好当的。。。。还是自己到处吃喝玩乐一番比较实在嘛。

today i went to UM hip-hop dance team Funktion's tryout, lol. acutally, i went there for the dance lesson, but then somehow got messed up and signed up for try out. oh well, the results should be pretty obvious, lol. did learn a good hiphop routine though.
after that, i played laser tag for the first time, two games, two win against different people. I realized all those CS gaming acutally helped. But in exchange my legs are all sort, seriously sort. It's gonna be a tough day tomorrow..

我想我是属于古代的人。

现代的女生，变化频繁，五光六色的时装盖过了中国传代的娇柔矜持， 掩盖了那古典优雅的气息。 她们言

行的方式都已超越了我思考能接受的范围，在经过那初始的惊艳后，留下的只有脑海里模糊的一个背影而已

。

古典美女，并不是说带上厚重的头扎，换上前朝的服饰就能成为古典美女的。 古典是一种感觉，是眉目中露

出的一莲韵味，是言行肢体中透出的妩媚，是奈何桥上那千年一眸。在这个车水马龙的都市世界里，真正的

古典美女已是少之又少了。她们如昙花一现般，偶尔出现在繁忙的人群中，如能在这喧闹中看到那擦肩的惊

鸿，以是一种满足。

在美国生根扎地，并不是我自愿的。 而如今已经是不得已的道路了。回头望，路已被雪封杀，船亦离岸而去

，后退，不是选择。大学三年，不是没有遇到喜欢的人，可是她们总是活在一个匆匆忙忙的世界中，忙着学

业，赶着毕业，殊不知人生中，享受当下也是一种珍惜时间的方式。

或许这就是我选择的人生，一个以速度和效率支撑的国家，一个毫无古典韵味的世界。

yes it's the new year! wish everyone i know and everyone i loved and loved me a happy happy year! this is going to be a great year, because there is nowhere else to go but up when you fall!!

Maybe I'm just writing this to myself, but hehe, who cares, regardless of what time you read this, perhaps 1 month, 6 month, 1 year or even 10 year from now, I wish this day, is a happy day for you.

In the past year, I have met my snow princess, a girl of extraordinary beauty and talent, before the brink of crossing over to 2008. Perhaps it was not the only good thing i remember this year, but i'm grateful to god for giving me the chance to get to know her, to have someone to think about, to have a reason to smile everyday. Thank you for being in my life, regardless of what happens at the end of the road, I will always remember the steps we took, and the joy you have given me.

In the past year, I also went to California to visit my long time friend yixi, skate in the sculpture garden  in DC with a fellow wolveriner, and enjoyed a number of activities that i have not tried before. I am grateful for all of them, thank you.

2008 is also the year of China, a year of great expectations as Olympic 2008 is approaching Beijing, as I awaits the day that i could once more step on the land of mysterious ancient power of the East, my mind can't rest. Joy! cheers to all my friends and family to china!

syperio

Found this on the net, I like it.

=================================================

chased you for 12 years around the world, and I still can't find you - m4w

---

Date: 2004-05-07, 2:06AM PDT




When I met you in 1990, you said that you'd marry the man who'd follow you around the world. We were just sophomores in high school, so I didn't know what to think. I thought it was just some school girl romantic fantasy. All I knew was that you were the girl for me. We were only 15 years old, but I had this feeling that you'd play a major role in my life. After we graduated from Aragon High School in San Mateo, you revealed to me that you were accepted to Berkeley, but you wanted to go to Germany for college. Remember that night we spent ice skating at Fashion Island? You said that you loved me, but you had to cut off all ties with to be able to move on. That was the last time I ever saw you. I said I'd wait for you, but you told me not to and to just move on...but I remember what you said sophomore year.

You were accepted at the University of Tübingen, Berlin. I left home for Berlin. For 4 years I looked for you. You made the impact you always did in Berlin. People heard of you, but didn't know where you were. Nobody helped me. I wasn't good enough for Tübingen, so I attended Technische Universität Berlin where I earned a degree. I am now fluent in German, a language I never intended to learn. After graduation, I returned to San Mateo thinking you returned as well. I called your mother on the summer after you graduated, she said you had left for grad school in Tokyo. I left again, this time, to Tokyo. Auf Wiedersehen.

Your father said you are studying business at Keio University in Tokyo. I looked all over Tokyo for you. From the morning rush at Shinjuku Station, to the last train on the Tozai-line bound for Nakano. You were never found. To make ends meet, I got a job at NOVA, then in 1998 I got a real job at DoCoMo. I fell in love with Japan and its culture. I learned the language, and I am now fluent. Another language I never intended to learn. I went to the graduate office at Keio University's school of business seeing if you were set to graduate. There you were, on the list. I was denied entry to the ceremony since I had no tie to anyone graduating. That was the closest I had ever come to seeing you since grad night back in high school. Two months after graduation, I resigned from DoCoMo. I recieved an email from your cousin (You know, Jerry's ex-girlfriend) saying you had gotten a job in Hong Kong. I left my friends, my job, my home, my fiance, and everything Tokyo gave me to search for you. I'm so sorry Mizuki. Kima wa itsumo kokoro no naka ni iru.

It was 1999, and I had just arrived in Hong Kong, and so did you. Six months later, I found out you had left Hong Kong because you didn't enjoy your new job. From Causeway Bay to Kowloon, there were traces of you, but never the real entity. Your father told me you went to India for training for a tech company, then were to be set up in London. I don't know if I searched for you for no reason, but then again, my searches have always been fruitless. I went to Seoul to take up a lucrative job offer at one of LG's sister companies, Hiplaza, Inc.

In late 1999, I had already been established in Korea. I worked for Hiplaza, then 3 years later, LG. For the first time, I was free of the feeling of having to look for you. I was in a place I knew you weren't It was like a dream. A world without you. The dream ended 3 months ago when I left LG. Now the curse of your existence has returned. An nyonghi jumuship siyo.

I'm now back in San Mateo. I haven't been here in the bay area since 1996. All my high school friends are either married, dead, or gone without a trace. I have nobody here but my dysfuctional family. Your brother said last month that you're still in London and will return to the bay area permanently this summer. I chased you around the world for 12 years, learned 3 languages, made quite an amount of money, just to meet you in the town where it all began. Fashion ISland isn't even there anymore, but the ice skating rink is still there.

I'm not German, I'm not Japanese, and I am not Korean, but I can say anything in those languages, but I can't say anything to bring you back. You made the biggest changes in my life without barely stepping foot into it. I don't know if I should thank you or hate you, but one thing I'm sure of, I miss you dearly. Your cousin told me what your brother couldn't bring himself to tell me. 3 hours ago I recieved an email saying the reason why you're coming back is because you want to have your wedding in San Francisco, and that it was your fiance's idea.

Fuck you.

my dark side that hided in the deepest dark corner came to me the other day.

"lone time no see, my, 'Dearest', friend."
"you? what are you doing here?"
"ah, i have sensed it, yes, you have been weak lately, don't try to hide it"
"it's none of your business, get out of here, now!"
"ah, my friend, don't be so harsh, you and me both know it's almost time"
"no, no... I, i don't know what you are talking about, there is no place here for you, please get out"
"ah but you know fully well that there is no place for me to go, it is merely an illusion, it always has been."
"I... I don't understand... how did you..."
"How did I what, escape? I was never fettered! This whole time I have been waiting, patiently, waiting for you, to fail, to shatter!!"
"......"
"Don't look so shocked, heihei, I know deep inside, you lust for blood and gore, just like me!"
"NO, I'm not like you! I don't..."
"don't pretend, 'friend'. you know I am STRONGER!"
"... Please, just disappear! I have so much to do without your presence aching away what little I have!"
 "No matter where you want me to be, i'm always here, 'friend'."
"NO, I DON'T BELIEVE THAT, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! PLEASE!!! GO!!!!!!"
"You are weak, you have failed to accomplish what you were set out to do. It is time."
"Bu..  But my work is not done yet! YOU CAN'T DO THIS! I still have so much to do!!!!"
"your time has ran out, 'friend', and you failed. Accept it."
"NO, THIS CAN'T BE! AHHHH!!!"
"ARGH!.. YOU IMBECILE! YOU THINK YOUR LITTLE TRICK CAN SAVE YOU? HAHAHA! MOVE!"
"NO..!! please stop, no, NO, please, you can't do this, this is my place... you can't..."
"Your place? I think you mean MY PLACE! HAHAHAHA!!"
"arg... you...... I......."
"hmph, weakling."
"......"

......

And so, another day passes, with my conscious shredded to pieces, my dignity smothered, and what little happiness I had caged alone in the empty room, I walk on with my shallow shades of darkness beside me.

终于踏入2开头的年龄了。。。 革命尚未完成阿。。
恩，因为生日请了两天假，周四，五都没有上班，和远道而来的mm同学玩的很开心。。到DC水边市场吃生牡蛎，到cheaspeake bay的 breeze point beach 玩到皮肤晒红， 感觉这个假期有多了点有趣的冬冬。。

不过最高兴的，是收到granny从中国寄来的包裹。 那个纳西族的挂件， 再陪伴granny度过了她的大学生涯后，又飞越了半个地球来陪伴我完成以后的学业。 还有那封granny亲手写的信，是我人生中第一次收到的手写信哦，这里我要说，granny, 谢谢你的祝福，我会好好努力的，嘿嘿

一希的贺卡也让我好开心阿，久违了7年的笔迹，还有什么比这更能勾起回忆呢？ 电话说还有一份礼物还未寄到，可是心意我其实已经收下了，嘿嘿，还有两周就要见面了，这不比什么都更好么：）

退后 周杰伦
天空灰的像哭过
离开你以后
并没有更自由
酸酸的空气
守住我们的距离
一幕醉心的结局
像呼吸般无法停息
抽屉泛黄的日记
找到了回忆
那笑容是傻气
你我的过去
被深深真的忘记
缺氧过后的爱情
存心的眼泪是多余
我知道你我都没有错
只是忘了怎么退后
信誓旦旦给的承诺
全被时间扑了空
我知道我们都没有错
只是放手比较好过
最美的爱情回忆里带去

天空灰的像哭过
离开你以后
并没有更自由
酸酸的空气
守住我们的距离
一幕醉心的结局
像呼吸般无法停息
抽屉泛黄的日记
找到了回忆
那笑容是傻气
你我的过去
被深深真的忘记
缺氧过后的爱情
存心的眼泪是多余
我知道你我都没有错
只是忘了怎么退后
信誓旦旦给的承诺
全被时间扑了空
我知道门都没有错
只是放手会比较好过
最美的爱情会一定带去

我知道我们都没有错
只是放手会比较好过
最美的爱情回忆里带去(待续)
(相信你我还会有开始
只因我们都没有错)

新年了，在家短短几天，并不能说不快乐，可是心里总是压着块石头，搬它不动。
我总觉得自己是悲观主义，可是好像却有不死的小强般的思想， 绝地逢生，从不爽中找出生活的目标，哈哈哈，
我太强了。。。
从今开始要好好学习了吧，以后要把自称把歌德巴赫猜想的1+1=2 解出来的老伯找出来，好好赚他一笔。。嘿嘿嘿，哼上两句新年到，财神来，我不发财谁发财阿哈~~

希望大家都能快乐， granny, 苹果，大叔（哈哈）， 还有身边的朋友， 都能快快乐乐一生，我不会忘记你们的。

我很懒， 平常在家不洗碗， 天天做梦当老板，可惜到头是平板。 哈哈

中文比英文好，太奇怪了，是不是应该在中国留下来呢，或许还能搞个文学家之类的号玩玩。。

我不是不好好学习的人，可是我的成绩真的不好，是我太傻了么，不是把，可是就是看不到学习的理由，
life goes on 么， 100 年后真的有人在乎我上的什么大学？ 或者上过大学没有？ 。。。 人活着，不快乐
就不要活了，要活就要活的自在，大学其实也是这样的，只不过我学习达不到我希望的水平，我也不去弥补它。

姐姐生日要到了，嘿嘿，秘密计划中。
其实想想挺惭愧的， 我只记得4个人的生日， 因为我的记性真的不好，我想我因此伤了很多
人的心吧，对不起。。。 生命会继续的，那个记得你生日的人也会到来的，但是他不是我，苹果。

思理杂乱真好，你不这样认为么？ 哈哈哈

终于结束了！ 我们学校以第五名的总成绩超过了哈福，哥伦比亚大学等7所大学的跆拳道队，而且我们人数还比他们少 ：—） 嘿嘿，不过细节就不说了。。
照片会发上来的，而且还有比赛录像，如果可能的话两个我都会发上来的。
我的个人成绩么， 因为比赛是按队算的，而且我们michigan B-1队只有两个人（应该是三个人，按照轻，中，重
级分， 我减肥了10 pound 才终于到 中级 比赛呢，嘿嘿。。） 所以我们只赢过了哥伦比亚大学的那个队（也只有来两个人，然后在第二场比赛败给了康乃尔的B-1队。 我个人在对哥伦比亚的那一场比赛以5-2赢了，虽然我的队友以4-6在第一局输给了一个比他高一级的家伙，不过我们分比他们加起来多一分，所以我们过了。 第二场比赛我的队友以17-14赢得了康乃尔很强很强的那个家伙，不过我还是3-13输掉了，虽然我一开始以一个back hook kick 踢到了那个家伙的头（2分呢），不过他反而不害怕，还上来给我头3 下， 最后在第二段时间领先10分搞定我了。。T_T 我不服阿。。不过第一场太投入了，没留很多体力，要不然也不会输第二场。。T_T 不过算了， 比赛么，就是这样的。。

第一波exam总算过了。。。 没想到这最后一课我很有把握的课会这么难啊。。。 以后不熬夜啦。。。
不过我想班级平均分不会很高吧，90 分钟12 道需要大脑运动的逻辑题， 而且是早上9点。我想换谁也不会好过。。
我不困，不过感觉心脏要游行了，唉，还是去倒一会，下午还有东西要做呢！
嘿嘿嘿，这周末长假期，4天呢，granny来陪我玩超舞~

今天又去我们的比赛队训练了，我觉得有必要写一下。
我们的训练为时一个小时， 由我们二段的黑带Naji 带领。 今天去的时候专门没有去上在训练前的课，这样可以节省体力， 不过训练完了，我还是要大喊一声：天啊，我低估这个家伙了，原来他比我想得还变态！！！ 短短的一个小时， 就是不停的踢阿踢阿，而且是全装上阵（护胸，护腿，护胳膊的，护下盘的，还有头盔）。这几个东西一戴上，就算你不动也会闷得要死，想象一下如果带上那种东西然后不停的对踢1个小时。。 而且踢的不是死东西，而是对友。 我们的队友85%是黑带， 我算是队里最低的等级了，虽然蓝带已经不低了。（比我低的人好像都没有准备去比赛，因为好像康乃尔大学的跆拳道队很厉害哦）1个小时其实过的很快的，尽管如此最后还是累得要死，衣服也全湿掉了，以前我从来没有出过这么多的汉，现在嘛。。。

唉不过，俗话说得好，一番复出一番收获，只希望没有白付出就好了 ：—）

冲啊， 密西根无敌！！ 哼哼哈嘿！！？？？

嘿嘿，没想到居然还有人关注阿。。 不错不错。。。
22姐啊，你好象很久很久没有上msn叻， 我想问你的电话都没法问，电子邮件也不回阿，郁闷死我了。
对了我的跆拳道比赛是11月5号在康乃尔大学阿，还有一个多月的，我准备等到考完第一批期中考试以后再去练习（急训阿，上上周就开始了，结果那个星期四我练到快晕倒了，这两周都没敢再去。。)  不过放心拉，等我比赛完一定有照片的，嘿嘿希望能拿到奖牌。

钓螃蟹的照片很爽把，要是还要的话email我阿。

继续我的ballroom dance 中。。。

我不是很喜欢写blog这种东西。。 感觉就像是写一个日记然后所有人都可以看的，那还写日记干什么？？

哦。。不过倒是很好的回忆冬冬，直到大脑负担减轻一点八

回到学校前的一个星期去Baltimore钓螃蟹去了，满爽的，看着桶里因为贪吃鸡脖子上丁点瘦肉张牙舞爪的螃蟹们，居然有种很悲伤的感觉，不过这种感觉在他们被蒸的全身发红的时候而一扫而光。 恩，来世肯定不要去做螃蟹。。。还有照片可以分享，马上上传。

回到学校已经2 周了， 和室友相处不错，尽管我非常懒惰的经常不洗碗（这个哥们是做饭狂，所以他做饭我洗碗，不过这两天被我洗碗的“热心“而不得不在发挥大厨之前先把他们清洗一遍， 哈哈对不住了哥们以后一定改过
>_<"）

昨天第二次学 ballroom dancing. 感觉不错， 大概是因为男生比女生少吧。。 有一种少有的优越感，哈哈哈。。。
马鸣和小虎这两个家伙居然都不去， 唉， 简直就是白费我的苦心阿。 以后的lesson 就要钱的了，不过我准备参加了。

nov. 5 Cornell University 有跆拳道比赛， 应该会很爽吧。。 星期四练得我都透筋叻，寒阿。。。